![]() |
Galaxy Nexus / iPhone 5 / Galaxy S3 |
Samsung’s Galaxy versus Apple’s iPhone, going for the number one smartphone.
It’s been out there for some time now, ever since Samsung released the Galaxy S
in 2010 and got itself into the high-end smartphone world. With that, there
have been a whole lot of technological breakthroughs, partly caused by the
companies’ struggles to get ahead of each other. Now, we can do pretty much everything
on our phones, from calling and texting to watching the television and making
changes to your flight schedule, even telling—literally talking to—your phone
to look something up on the Internet.
All the gadgets we used
in the previous century—computers, telephones, MP3s, whatever electronic device
you can think of—are getting integrated into one in the new century, which, of
course, comes in handy for most people. Now you don’t have to have a cellphone
in your left pocket and an MP3 player in your right pocket with your laptop in
a briefcase. Just go buy a new smartphone or a tablet PC, and you’re all set. Got
a question? Look it up, right there on the spot, using your 3G or LTE connection.
Forgot to send an important email to your coworkers? Type it up, attach
whatever files you might need, and click send. It’s that simple, and it’s that
easy.

But of course, these
integrations have their downsides, too. In fact, they have already caused a
problem—the addictions. I, personally, have seen a number of teenagers, and
even some kindergartners, walking on the streets staring into their phones,
not where they’re going. And honestly, I can’t say that I’m not one of those
teenagers myself. Since my phone is so easily in reach—it’s always there, right
next to me, wherever I am—I constantly pick it up when I have nothing to do and
look for something to do with it. Most of the time, I end up finding myself reading
a random news article or playing games over and over. I’m not at the stage
where it interferes with my life, but I can easily see how people can get into playing
with their phones several hours a day.
But even with the
disadvantage on its side, the integration of electronic gadgets is certainly
one of the most notable phenomena in the 21st century, and one that
is speeding up as time passes.
It’s not over yet. As
long as the battle for number one in the smartphone industry, which seems far
from coming to an end, goes on, we will keep being introduced to more and more advances.
There already have been rumors going around about the next big breakthrough,
the invention of bendable or transparent smartphones with far more functions. Of
course, these aren’t things that can be developed overnight, but considering
how quickly the industry has equipped us with this level of technology, it
doesn’t seem like something from the far future, either. It’s just a matter of
time now. And who knows? If it keeps going, one day, we may be able to cook
something or clean our rooms with just a tap on our phones.
I'm not sure if your essay is fully answering the prompt or not.. You were supposed to discuss changes that will happen in the rest of the 21st century, not ones that already have. You did mention technical advances that will take place in the future in the last paragraph, but other paragraphs are somewhat off the track. Especially your third paragraph is about downsides of improvements of smartphones, which is not so relevant to what the prompt was looking for.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I could see that your English is.. superb. Good vocabulary uses, colorful expressions, clear sentences, logically structured paragraphs - overall, your use of language is very solid.
So, putting a little bit more efforts on thinking about what the prompt wants writers to talk about would have been effective.
(... any grammar mistakes here, Ben? xD)
Hi, Ben!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jinwookㅜㅠㅠㅠ
It was great that you strongly focused on one idea about 'click' smartphones.
However, as Jinwook mentioned above, it would be better if you focused on the topic itself more.
As the topic is 'the changes the 21st century will bring', you could have given more ideas and examples to support them.
On the other hand, I really like your dramatic style of writing!!
Pretty good essay, though.
I enjoyed reading your essay!!:)
Hello Ben~
ReplyDeleteThis is John. When I saw your essay I thought it would be better for me to comment on yours because you have commented on mine. The first thing that came in to my mind was about the topic. I thought the ideas of smartphones that you wrote here weren't the technology of the future. So, when I tried to look up the post to write about this I saw two people who were faster than me!! Since three people are commenting on your blog about the realtionship between your essay and the topic, I hope you could find out a better solution and write a better essay next time.
BYE!
lolk.. thanks for commenting xD
ReplyDeleteWell I was actually worrying about the very problem that you guys mentioned when I was writing this essay.. But I was too far into it and it was like 'well I can't start over now, and I guess focusing on one change that is happening & will happen in the future isn't like totally off topic, so it's gonna be ok' and yeah.
But well, three comments on the same problem, I guess I was kinda off topic then.
So.. Thanks for making me realize that, and.. yeah. :)
Sorry for providing people with what to criticize.. and I need to tell you (and others) that my essay is having almost the same problems that I have pointed out.. so.. and yeah.
ReplyDelete